im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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