dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
