She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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