Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
