so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
