tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the liver wants what the liver wants
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
