life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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