Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
