She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
