i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
