If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
