she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
