instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just invented taco cereal.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
