He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
