Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
