a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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