the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We have started to decorate penises.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
