I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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