I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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