you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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