I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
