Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
