Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
