alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
