so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
