we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
