its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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