are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
