dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
