So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
