I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My dick has a subreddit
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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