i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
