tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
