I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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