making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
