Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
