Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
