i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
