There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
