He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
