Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
