Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
