So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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