Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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