Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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