he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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