It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you had me at cake vodka
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
