i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
