there's paper in my vomit.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
