I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
