So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
