I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
