She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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