i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
