My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My ATM looks so different sober.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
