But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
