I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up under a house in Key West
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
