i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
