please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
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Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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