you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
