Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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