how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
