well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
