it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
