I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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