My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
