that's an acceptable place to lick
it's like iHOP with fire
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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