I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pants are for mortals
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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