Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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