remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
