the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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