soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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