Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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