i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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